A major theme of my life is frustration. I should just call it the primary theme of my life in actuality. I am frustrated all…the…time. So it’s a lifelong issue that I’ve had to learn to deal with.
Of course, everyone has to deal with frustration. It’s been especially pronounced for me however because I was never told how to deal with it effectively.
It all started when I was about five years old. I remember it vividly. I was playing with my plastic Superman action figure around one of those recliner chairs. Somehow I lost it and I couldn’t find it. There was nowhere it could have gone, and yet it was gone! I looked in the chair, under the chair, and around the chair. It was nowhere to be found. And I threw a fit.
My parents were annoyed at this and apparently, I wouldn’t give it up. It just didn’t make sense I remember thinking, where could it have gone? There aren’t many areas around a recliner where an item can disappear. Our house wasn’t especially cluttered or anything.
What does the frustration feel like?
The frustration starts with confusing thoughts about why something is or is not happening. The thoughts then build on themselves rapidly with memories of all the other times I’ve been frustrated – but not as coherent thoughts – just as an amassed feeling of helplessness and confusion. It builds up until it becomes almost an overwhelming feeling of being blocked, leading to strong feelings of despair, sadness, and hopelessness.
Pretty intense.
So, the Superman toy was somehow never found. This important – and still to this day, insane fact – is the primary driver I believe of my feelings of hopelessness. The sadness and despair come from what happened next.
What did my parents decide to do? Well, my stepfather thought the best approach was to take me into the entryway and spank the hell out of me. That shut me up.
But did it solve my problem?
No, and in fact, it helped cause this lifelong issue for me. I was so scarred by this event that now, whenever I encounter anything frustrating like this, that doesn’t make sense to me, I start to go into a mood.
And so I’ve had to learn how to combat this mood through positive, reinforcing self-talk.
How to Deal with It
The method I use is simply to slow down and breathe. I stop what I’m doing, take some deep breaths, and meditate briefly. After doing this, if it’s really bad, sometimes I also need to take a walk. I have to allow my frustrated feelings to surface within me and allow them some creative expression.
I also have to remind myself that I can solve my problems. I can always solve them and I always have before and this time is no different than any other time, even if the details have changed or seem different.
At some point, either on my walk or afterward I can think logically about my frustration and what’s causing it and then how to solve it. This technique effectively deals with my frustration but it took me many years to learn it.
Even now, although I’m pretty good at it, I still have to remind myself to go through this process.
Thanks for reading. Do you experience similar issues with frustration? Leave a comment and let me know.